It occurred to me that I haven’t said much about my stay here in Gran Canaria and speaking to one or two people at the Car Club it is clear that totally the wrong impressions are doing the rounds. So to put the record straight the following, in the style of the late Tony Hancock, is a typical evening:

Scene: Sitting room of my duplex in Maspalomas, Gran Canaria. Me, pacing the room wearing checked, knee length, shorts and a Trinidad short-sleeved shirt with a picture of a Hawaiian Sunset.

“Grief, another day of rain. May as well be back in the UK where at least I had an umbrella.” “Wonder if I can get a refund from Primark for this shirt. I’ve hardly worn it. Indoor wear only!”

Long pause follows, then a big sigh. “Typical; Gran Canarias’ most important annual classic car show and they choose the one day when a cyclone strikes. Stuck here with the roof down and a soft-top that refuses to stretch enough to close the fastening clasps.” “Had the concours in the bag, too. Those new 80 spoke wire wheels I’ve fitted would have sent everything else into oblivion. Especially that smarmy little weasel from Las Palmas with the 1965 Sebring. Ha, he wouldn’t know what hit him.” “I’ll bet he is behind this unprecedented precipitation

“Why don’t they just call it rain? Precipitation! Just hedging their bets, so if it doesn’t rain and someone says “you said it would rain” they can say “Oh no we didn’t. We said there would be precipitation” Have to remember that one; on a triple letter, double word that could be worth a few Scrabble points.

Second big sigh: “Wonder if they would accept a photograph? After all it’s their fault holding the competition in the middle of winter…..what do they expect?” Pause. “You know I wouldn’t be surprised if this was deliberate. That chap in the office didn’t look at all happy accepting an entry from an outsider. Yes; come to think of it I’m sure he said something about Gibraltar. Difficult to pinpoint with him not speaking any English.” “I thought that under EU legislation everyone had to speak English, otherwise what’s the point?” “Perhaps I should e-mail Alan and get him to raise it with the National Font. What they say may be rubbish but it looks very nice on paper!”

“What’s the time…..18:20! I knew I shouldn’t have eaten dinner so early, but I was bored.”

Pause….”How many floor tiles are there along the edge of the wall, 1 2 3 4 …..18. Hmm and across the room, 1 2 3 ….10 So that’s 180? I’m sure there was 190 last night let’s just check again. No, why bother. What’s the time? Is that clock working?”

“No point turning the tele on, it’s all Spanish programmes. Even the English series they have are dubbed over so you can’t understand them.” “Let’s try the ‘Teach Yourself Spanish in 30 Minutes’ again.”

“Now, pronunciation. ‘Quisiera una escobilla para limpiar la pipa’.” “Hey that wasn’t half bad, I’m beginning to get the hang of this. Now let’s see what does that mean; I want a pipe cleaner. !!!! What good is that, I don’t even smoke a pipe.”

“What’s the time?” “18:43 ohhh”

“Almost dark outside now, and its stopped raining. The reflection of the moon is bright tonight I can see miles across the Atlantic.” “Now there’s a point, hundreds of square miles of ocean and not one Spanish trawler in sight. Where are they all? They complain about not being able to fish in places that don’t belong to them and there’s all this water, full of fish and they can’t even be bothered.” “Typical”

“Oh, let’s open the last of the Christmas cards. That’s a joke, there was only one other and that was from the bank. Sarcastic bankers!” “Oh and I mustn’t forget the Car Club electronic card with MGBenji”

“Well, at least this is a large card….I’m sure the wisemen didn’t wear motorbike leathers but that’s modern life”….”Ah” ‘To Royston’ “I like that, no shortened familiarity, shows good taste” ‘Wishing you all the Seasons Felicitations – Felice Fiestas. With the greatest of respect, Roy’!!! “Well someone had to send one. Couldn’t leave it to chance.”

“Let’s take a look at the paper. Nothing like three day old news. In this modern day of high speed flight is it too much to expect the National newspapers to be delivered on the day they are published” “Let’s see”

“Huh. That’s just what I need. Australia has stolen the Ashes back in just three tests! Time was that the competition had to be finished before anyone was declared the winner!” “Typical antipodean sportsmanship. I would disqualify the team from the competition and hand the Ashes back to England”

“Ohh, I’ve had enough of this. What’s the time, 19:32. Close enough, I’ll just have my Horlicks and an early night……..again.”


  • Doris Bridgeman

    Well, since we are all wishing “happy Christmas etc” I thought I would send greetings to you and hope you are missing that Rebellion beer. Much better than Spanish stuff. We are having rain too, and high winds so that should make you feel better. Look forward to seeing you back in Chinnor.

    • roy

      Hi Doris, thanks for the greetings and I will keenly await the postman bringing the Rebellion!! Have to admit the weather isn’t too bad, between 70 and 75 most of the time. We will have to play catch-up in April.

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